My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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