I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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