awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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