No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
