Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize