Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
