I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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