Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
