Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
