I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
