I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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