I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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