I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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