dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
