Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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