we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
