So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we're making bets on your personal life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
