I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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