The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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