I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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