Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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