Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
