New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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