talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
