office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
