he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
