Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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