i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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