Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
