dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
