Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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