You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
