I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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