is your mom at the bar?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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