apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You pole danced in your parka.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize