i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
