we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
