And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
