OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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