i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
