This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
