He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
