My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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