yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
