My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
