do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
