Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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