you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
