he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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