apparently the secret to your success is patron
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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