He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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