apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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