I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
