i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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