if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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