he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
