Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
