Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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