Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
