I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
