I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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