Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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