dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
