This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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