Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
