He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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