i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a hot homeless man
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Randomize
